"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." — Wayne Dyer A Summer with Buster This summer we became dog sitters for a soft, cuddly labradoodle named Buster. We took him everywhere— to work with our residents, to basketball games with our grandson, and on hikes in our lovely county parks. I was keen to see how our residents interacted with him. He was a hit! I personally experienced the calming influence of this super sweet dog as I watched a tough basketball match that our grandson played in — a scenario that often causes me to feel anxious. And yet I did not fall into my usual pattern of doubt and worry, but rather felt completely at ease. Just the dog’s presence next to me seemed to bump my brain waves into a relaxed yet alert state. I became aware of how…

The Power of Personal Narratives in History I’ve been lucky to work in the field of oral history and witness the power of storytelling and its potential to provide insightful historical context. The point of oral history is to record a person‘s life experience and how they later reflect on that experience. Their choice of words, pauses in their dialogue, and the way they prioritize the events they experienced — all of that provides context to that period in history. The reflection process in itself becomes a part of the historical record. Oral histories add to a society’s understanding of the past in meaningful ways and enrich what would otherwise be a mostly academic process of determining and documenting facts — or rather, the facts as they were understood by historians at the time of publication. The power of our imagination when listening to stories from the past can help…

The Growing Demand for Guidance I often talk with family members who are seeking placement for a loved one who requires 24/7 care due to cognitive impairment or physical frailty. When I say “often,” I’m actually understating it—the calls are increasing rapidly. Families are desperate for clear, trustworthy information about licensed settings and care options. Big Business, Little Oversight Large corporate placement agencies like Caring.com and A Place for Mom dominate the online search space. Smaller agencies exist too, and some are more locally connected—but whether large or small, these businesses are masters of marketing. They rely on aggressive SEO strategies to drive traffic to their websites. The problem? Most agents never step foot in the facilities they recommend. Yet they still collect substantial commissions from the facilities—commissions that are rarely disclosed to families and are subject to no government oversight or accountability. Resources That Actually Help I truly wish…

Facing the Overwhelm of Dementia Care Facing the challenges of dementia care can feel downright overwhelming.  My blog has become an outlet to support both an inner and outer dialogue about dementia care that has helped me through some tough days, and I hope helps others. So, chin up buttercup! We can make it together with knowledge, skills, self-care and community.  This month’s focus is on reducing stress by learning how to be in a hurry but not rushed. Caregivers from all settings deal with stress, and especially when assisting a loved one with dementia. We can find ourselves trying to do too much and then hurried during care. Which, of course, will backfire by triggering the brain’s fight or flight response of the loved one in our care. Now, uh oh. What do we do?  "Be Quick, But Don't Hurry" One of the greatest basketball coaches of all time, John…

Understanding Powerlessness As we navigate through our daily care routines we sometimes experience residents reacting in unexpected ways that can be confusing. That confusion calls for curiosity on our part. We can ask ourselves, and them, what could be the underlying reason for declining care — “No, I don’t need a shower!” The Emotional Impact of Needing Care A loved one who needs assistance for daily activities may feel helpless, anxious, and/or depressed. These feelings of powerlessness can be profound and create barriers to many aspects of care. This can include medication assistance, bathing and grooming, and participation in social activities. How can we help reduce these feelings of powerlessness and create a sense of strength and belonging? Building Confidence Through Tools and Preparation Our approach means so much! And developing a variety of tools in our caregiver tool kit can give us the confidence we need to create a…

A favorite song from my law school days came on Sirius XM radio yesterday and brought back fond memories: You Get What You Give by The New Radicals (1998). The sentiment “you get what you give” was certainly true for me during my night school experience at Golden Gate University School of Law—put in the focus and effort needed (even when I didn’t feel like it), and you will pass your exams. Don’t, and you’ll quickly learn you won’t be returning next semester. Setting the Tone in Caregiving The song has an upbeat rhythm and fun melody, yet it shares a deep insight into the consequences of our choices, especially during difficult times. As caregivers for people living with Alzheimer’s, we can set an upbeat tone—or not. We have that choice. They do not. Setting an upbeat done in a licensed care home, or any home, requires intention. The foundation…

Intentional and Nurturing Self Care: We Need to Create Our Own Entourage! “It’s like a sandwich with two pieces of bread and the good stuff is on the inside. But I can’t get through the pieces of bread.” — A resident’s description of what it feels like when having problems remembering words. Caring for people living with brain change is an honor — full of life lessons and heart work. If I had followed my earlier ideas of practicing law, I would be a very different person. Not sure how, but I am confident this path has shaped me more than any other. I continue to be awe-struck by its many challenges, including the risk of caregiver burnout. Give me a magic wand, though, and I would create a concierge service for caregivers composed of the best in their field, including a dietician, home chef, personal trainer, and spiritual life…

Therapy pets without a doubt can improve mood and facilitate social interaction for people living with dementia. Pets can also have a calming effect, help with dementia-related behavioral problems, increase physical activity, and add a loving dimension to a care community.  Interestingly, and sort of oddly, when I searched for online resources about therapy pets and Alzheimer’s I found many articles about robotic animals for people living with dementia. Having raised and trained three amazing therapy cats over the past 14 years I clearly feel a bias towards real animals for pets. They, however, require much care and effort, and that could be a major barrier to many who are already struggling with caring for their loved one as it is. And so we have choices for our loved ones— some with intricate mechanical movements and some who will need a real litter box. When I began working with elders…

Bing Crosby singing Silver Bells with Rosemary Clooney puts me straight into the holiday spirit. Their voices blend and harmonize; weaving a cozy feeling with vivid scenes of a bustling city frozen in time.  As a student in the Music Department at CSU Chico I practiced vocal harmonies on a nearly daily basis.  Sometimes with a large group of choral singers, but often alone in a small practice room where I could dedicate myself to practicing without fear of making a mistake in front of others. Vocalists can feel vulnerable or anxious about outside criticism because our instrument is our own unique sound. But criticism is essential for improving; getting feedback from peers or a mentor can make all the difference between a mediocre performance and one that can truly move an audience.  I had wonderful mentors who developed and owned tremendous talent, and with their support I got more than…

I adore the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day because the story manages to philosophically explore how we approach learning from the mistakes we make in life and yet find a way to laugh at ourselves and set aside our egos. We laugh along with Bill’s struggle to overcome the repetitive loop he is stuck living every day — That is until he breaks free from his usual cynical, rigid way of seeing himself and the world.  Working with people living with dementia and memory loss can feel like “Groundhog Day” and challenges us to turn around our internal process so that our response to the repetitiveness is one of understanding and compassion.  I will give you a recent example when I started my 8:30 am routine with a long list of important agenda items for my day as I walked into work. I said hello but avoided engaging with a…